Sounds like an enjoyable summer, right?
Yeah. It wasn't.
In the midst of it all it became hard to see clearly what God was telling me, what my own thoughts were telling me, and where I was confusing the two.
After weeks of prayer, tears, and many phone calls to my mom, I accepted the 5th grade position at a Christian school. Although it wasn't an enjoyable process in the moment, I can say that I'm thankful for the experience. Though many times I felt alone, exhausted, at my wit's end, and more... I'm not sure (given the chance) that I'd do anything differently. Why? God used this trial to refine my faith and teach me so many valuable lessons that I wouldn't have learned without this trial. Like James says in his letter to the twelve tribes in the Dispersion,
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:2-4 ESV)
God has promised in His word that He gives us trials in order to make us more steadfast, complete, and PERFECT! Wow. What an amazing promise!
It's been about two months since I've made the decision to join the NCS family and I have learned so many lessons. It's been a roller coaster ride since July but again, if given the chance, I wouldn't change it.
Here's what I've learned:
1) I'm not in control. I know, I know. Silly me, right? I thought I had control over my life. My dream job was second grade in a public school. I'm teaching 5th grade in a private Christian school. I promised myself I would never teach in a Christian school and honestly, during this trial I tried everything I possibly could in order to get out of this position. But, The Lord's will prevails! As bummed as I am to not get my 'dream job', I am thrilled to be able to be doing the Lord's will as He made it quite clear that this is where I am supposed to be as He closed all the other doors yet left this one open.
2) The value of the Body of Christ cannot be overstated. In the midst of all the struggle, anxiety, and frustration, one thing remained secure. My church family. My brothers and sisters in Christ. They were there every step of the way and supported me, encouraged me, pointed me back to Jesus, and prayed with and for me with each twist and turn thrown my way. We weren't made to do this life alone. God has made us for community and to help each other carry the heavy burdens of life.
3) God truly has the best in store for us. Romans 8:28 states: "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." This was a verse that I would often counsel others with but if I'm being honest, I didn't always see as truth for my life. I often struggled with seeing the good come out of the bad. However, this trial brought light to this verse and showed me God's goodness in the midst of the train wreck I called my summer. As I have settled into my new job I have been blessed with the world's greatest co-workers, a support system that I never imagined possible, new friends, and a mentor that has guided me, rebuked me, and challenged me in ways that I wouldn't have gotten without this new position. The new job has allowed me to deepen my faith, be filled with teaching from amazing individuals, teach from the Bible and my curriculum simultaneously, and more. When I think about the other jobs that would've been opportunities for me, I wouldn't have had any of these opportunities if God had given me either of those jobs. He truly works all things together for the good of those that love Him. He knows what He's doing.
4) I am needy. I have always prided myself on never needing help, never asking questions, and never letting people know that I don't know something. I have always put on the persona that I have my act completely together and that, if I'm being honest, is exhausting. When I started this new job, I was given a little instruction on curriculum, teaching methods, and how the school ran, but most of it was left unsaid. I have been in public school since first grade and switching gears to teaching in a private, Christian school was quite the culture shock. I had suddenly found myself with a lot of questions and not wanting to ask them but as I thought about it more, I realized two things. One, not asking questions resulted in not getting answers and two, not getting answers was at the detriment of both my students and me. What good was it doing me to not ask questions? Exactly. It wasn't doing any good. So, much to my dismay, I swallowed my pride and began asking questions. A lot of questions. If I can be honest, it was truly freeing to admit that I didn't know what I was doing and that I needed help. It allowed me the freedom to learn, grow, and adjust to the new environment, culture, and routine. No one expected me to have my act together, it was a lie I was telling myself. In fact, they expected me to have questions and inquire. As I began asking questions to a co-worker, trust was built, and a friendship formed. If I hadn't been humbled and realized my neediness, I doubt this friendship would've formed and been as precious to me as it is. Even more than that though, in the midst of my pride, I lost fact of how much I need Jesus. I can't do this on my own. I cannot even take another breath unless He has ordained it for me. The days of my life are numbered and He has prepared good works for me in which to walk. I am needy and I praise the Lord for reminding me just how much I need my Savior. It's still a struggle for me to ask questions and feel like I'm bothering those around me with my dependency but I'm thankful that the Lord has begun this good work in me and that He's promised to bring it to the day of completion in Christ Jesus.
5) Children are wonderful gifts to be treasured, but they are sinful. I've been around kids a long time. I've had my fair share of temper tantrums, melt downs, and all the other joys that come with children. However, it can be so easy to look at them and forget that they are affected by the fall of man just as I am. Children are not perfect. They are not angelic. They seek to run their lives and be the kings/queens of their own worlds but they're not. They are selfish, needy, deceitful, etc. and I'm not doing them (or myself) any favors by pretending otherwise. The Lord has reminded me daily to be praying for my students, teaching them from the Scriptures, and pointing them back to Jesus. They need to be reminded of their sinfulness as much as I do and I praise God that He has put me in a position where I can do just that.
6) I enjoy comfort. When I think back to the reasons I wanted the public school job more than the others, none of them were actually "good reasons". The main reason I wanted to teach there was because I knew the teachers, the kids, and the school environment. It was the same grade, same school, same teachers, etc. Notice a pattern? Yeah. It was a safety zone. The thought of moving into uncharted territory terrified me. However, as a Christian, I'm not called to comfort. This earth is not my forever home, heaven is. When we are placed in situations where we are uncomfortable, we are forced to rely on the Lord more for strength, wisdom, grace, etc. If we are comfortable, it becomes much easier to rely on ourselves to make it through each day. By accepting a job in a new area, in a school culture that I knew nothing about, and with a grade level that I had no experience with, I needed to rely more on the Lord than myself and what a humbling experience that has been! If I had been given the job at the public school, it would've been much easier to rely on my own works and become puffed up and prideful. As hard as it is to be outside of my comfort zone on a daily basis, I'm thankful for how it has forced me to rely on the Lord for strength, wisdom, and grace!
This, my friends, is just the tip of the iceberg of things that the Lord has taught me in the past few months. It has been a roller coaster ride filled with trials, anxiety, sleepless nights, laughter, hugs, new friends, and many nights of crying. However, it has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. I cannot imagine working anywhere else and I cannot imagine my life now without the people I now call co-workers. I love the fact that I can teach a science lesson about how God has created goldenrod in a unique way. I love teaching the fact that Columbus felt called by God to convert the people of the West Indies to Christianity (didn't learn that in public school, did ya?). I love the fact that I can sing Scripture to my students and memorize passages with them week after week. I am truly blessed to work where I am and have been given the trials and joys that have come my way. I'm sure the next 9 months will hold many more lessons and although I'm sure they'll be hard to learn, I praise God for how He is refining me and using me to further His work.
"Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
Praise Him all creatures here below,
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts,
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
Amen."
Blessings,
Danielle
No comments:
Post a Comment