Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and wondered why they were acting the way they were? Or maybe you have a friend who always does one behavior and you're not sure why? Have you ever thought about why people do what they do?
It's something I really enjoy doing. I love looking at a person as a puzzle and asking myself questions like "Why are they doing that?" or "What makes them tick?". It becomes a game for me to see if I can uncover the roots of why someone believes a certain thing to be true or why someone acts a certain way. I'm currently student teaching and my classroom is full of the cutest 7-8 year olds....most days. There are the days though when one of them will break down in tears or throw a colored pencil across the room or put their head down and refuse to work. Why? Wouldn't you think that'd be the common question to ask? Well... much to my chagrin, it doesn't seem to be the common response. Whether we are in a school district, in the workplace, or in our own family unit, there's always more than what meets the eye to everyone and often times we simply don't care.
People are complex. There are things we do that we aren't even sure why we do them. Why do you click your pencil 3 times before you use it? Why don't you wear a navy blue sweater with black dress pants? Why is it every time your neighbor says hi, you run away? Why do you push friends away? Why are you scared of commitment? ...the list is endless.
Proverbs 20:5 says: "The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out."
Everyone wants to be understood. We all want people to know us, relate to us, and seek to understand our feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. We all want a "man of understanding" in our lives. One of the most loving things we can do for someone is to listen, ask why, and seek to understand. Not only does it help us understand that person better, but it also helps them understand themselves better. How much better of a teacher does it make someone when they know their students need to move, have written directions, and time to talk to their friends? How much better of a husband does it make a man when he knows that his wife obsessively cleans when she's stressed or anxious about something? How much better of a friend does it make someone when they know that you don't trust people of the opposite gender because you were abandoned by a parent or abused as a child? Doesn't that help us to better love, serve, and care for those around us? As a teacher you'd know that you weren't caring for your students by making them sit in their seats all day silently. That husband would know that he's not caring for his wife by just letting her clean thinking that she's obsessive about mess instead of asking her what's stressing her out. All by asking the simple question....why?
In my own life I've seen that by asking why I've learned so much about myself and my surroundings. In my classroom I've learned that one student needs a hug and affection each day because mom works nights and she never sees an older, nurturing female so she's simply craving that maternal affection from someone. On campus I've learned that my one friend has trouble managing her time because she feels guilty from a past event and bites off more than she can chew sometimes. I've learned that another friend has trouble with decision making because they truly don't believe that God is good and in control of the situation.
How much better does that equip us to help those around us? Instead of tackling the symptom, we can go straight for the root of the problem! Sin is so messy and one sin can have a myriad of symptoms. The sin of pride can show up as taking on too much, not taking on enough, low self-esteem, boasting, self-doubt, and so much more. So why do we tend to put a band-aid on something that requires surgery to remove?
Friends, there's so much more to each person than meets the eye. How about instead of judging/assuming something, let's stop and ask ourselves why they're acting how they are. Maybe they're lonely, had a family member pass away, are struggling with something huge, or more. We don't know why everyone does what they do but friends, we can try to be a "man of understanding" to someone.
Who knows!? You might just learn something about yourself in the process!
