Reflections on the Year

Hello friends!! Happy New Year's Eve from my humble abode in Northeast PA.  I've been reflecting a lot lately on the new year that is approaching (much quicker than I'd like!) and what the past year has held for me.  It's such an amazing time of year when people realize just how much they have been blessed the past year and all the changes that have occurred.  Being no exception to the rule, I have been blessed far beyond what I deserve this past year and the ways that God has been working in my life are incredible.  I am truly speechless when I think back on it some days.  Here's how I've seen God working in my life this past year...

Have you ever had someone tell you that a decision you were making was probably not the best one and backed it up with solid evidence but you ignored it all and made the decision anyway?  Yeah, me too.  When faced with a pretty big decision earlier this year, I did what I thought was right and sought out counsel from people I love & opinions I respect.  Now, it wasn't just 1 or 2 people that I asked... no.  I was in a mad rush to seek as much counsel on the decision as I could (or so I thought).  In reality, I was only seeking to have people affirm the decision I wanted to make so that I could have a clear conscience making my decision.  So, you can imagine the hurt that I felt when half (if not more) of the people I talked to responded by saying it wasn't a wise idea for me to say yes to this decision.  But, the other half of the people I talked to said that it would be okay.  Oh the dilemma.... But, those who said it'd be a bad idea had scripture to back up their claims as well as experience.  If I'm being honest, I knew it wasn't a wise decision but, I went forth with it anyway and well... it ended pretty badly some time later.  I could've saved a lot of time, energy, and pain if I had listened to counsel in the first place but I have taken this experience and used it for growth.  It exposed a dangerous flaw in my heart that was later pointed out to me by one of my Christian fellowship's staff workers.  I did the wise thing of seeking counsel but it always went in one ear and out the other... I never actually followed the path of wisdom when I sought it out.  Humbling, right?  Oh you bet... it was hard to hear and has been hard to work on but I'm grateful for the chance to become more like Christ in this area of my life.  This has become one of my new year's resolutions:  Continue to seek wisdom, but humbly follow the wisdom that is given.

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,

but a wise man listens to advice.

(Proverbs 12:15, ESV)

The ear that listens to life-giving reproof

will dwell among the wise.

Whoever ignores instruction despises himself,

but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence.

The fear of the LORD is instruction in wisdom,

and humility comes before honor.

(Proverbs 15:31-33, ESV)

Can you remember a time when you were either so happy or so sad that everything you said/did became so emotionally charged you ended up hurting those around you without even realizing it?  If you haven't I certainly have and it's not something I'm proud of.  This was pointed out to me by two staff workers I highly respect and are wonderful examples of what it can look like to follow Christ.  These two, through many scriptures & examples in my life, showed me this character flaw that I wasn't even aware of.  I so often let my emotions get in the way of my life and dictate my actions.  Instead of laying my life down for my friends, I let bitterness, anger, and sadness rule my life and damage my friendships.  I hurt those I love so often by not being aware of my emotions, what's causing them, and how they're being portrayed to others.  This has gotten me in trouble more often than I could even begin to be aware of.  So that brings about another new year's resolution:  Become aware of my emotions & how they're being portrayed in my actions/words.  I need to learn to disciple my heart so I can best love those around me and reflect Christ to them.

A hot-tempered man stirs up strife,

but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.

(Proverbs 15:18, ESV)

A fool gives full vent to his spirit,

but a wise man quietly holds it back.

(Proverbs 29:11, ESV)

But we all know change doesn't happen overnight and I can't do it alone.  I need Christ's help in working through these struggles to be more like Him.  I'm so grateful for the time & opportunity to become more like Christ.  I'm amazed that He would choose someone like me.... that He would use me to further His kingdom... that He would constantly refine my heart to be more like His through many fiery trials.  I'm blessed beyond what I deserve and more thankful than I can start to express.  I'll leave you with this beautiful passage from Hebrews 12 that is a great reminder of why He disciplines us and how we can be thankful for it instead of despising the reproof we are given.

"Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,

nor be weary when reproved by him.

 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,

and chastises every son whom he receives.”

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees,  and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;  that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears."

(Hebrews 12:3-17, ESV)

Rejoice in the Lord's discipline for it's His love shining through.  He loves you as you are but He loves you too much to let you stay that way.  It's gonna be messy, but it's all in love.

Happy New Year!

Dani

Pride & Humility

So, it's almost midnight and of course, like normal people, I was snuggly warm in my bed mindlessly scrolling through Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, etc. in the hopes of putting myself to sleep but God apparently had other ideas... I was quickly flooded with thoughts and (being the verbal processor I am), needed to talk it out, hence the blog.

For a class this past semester we were required to post bi weekly blog posts and I began to love the process of just sharing what was on my heart that week or what God was showing me through the class that I was taking (The Bible as Literature).  Near the end of the semester, one of my staff workers for the Christian fellowship I am a part of at my college challenged me to journal or blog as a way to get my emotions out & process them (because anyone who knows me knows I am quite emotional!).  So, here I sit typing....

God has really been working on my heart lately and showing me areas of growth and more areas that need growth (some days it can be quite overwhelming!).  He has continually been working on my pride and showing me just how prideful I am when it comes to various aspects of my life.  He's been showing me that everything I have comes from Him and that honestly, I have nothing to be proud of... on my own I am but a sinner who continually runs away from the light He gives.  However, through His grace, and His grace alone, I have been brought into fellowship with Him and can boast in the kingdom of God and all that He does.  For those who know me well, or even know me at all, you know I LOVE children.  I take whatever opportunity I can to spend time with children and care for them, love them, and point them in the direction of The Lord.  These little ones have been one of the most humbling experiences of my life.  Before coming to Christ, I would boast in the number of families I could babysit for, how well I had the children 'trained', or what new fun and exciting activity I did with the kids that left the parents speechless.  I'm not saying that in and of themselves these are bad things but it was the motives behind them that fueled me.  I never did anything for the best interest of the children, I did what would get me the most attention, money, or praise.  I was consumed with pride.  Although I loved each child I cared for as if they were my own, pride & selfish motives always drove my actions.  Since coming to Christ, God has used the plethora of adorable little munchkins I occasionally care for to humble me, show me what it's like to love someone more than yourself, and to do things that are in their best interest and not what serves me best.  It has given me such joy to put the best interest of these children above everything else and to watch them thrive.  I have seen the benefits of this shift in attitude unfold before my very eyes.  I have much more joy when I am around the children and a lot more patience.  There's a lot less yelling, a lot less disciplinary problems, and a lot more fun!  [Now, this could just be the fact that these parents are AWESOME parents and are raising their children wonderfully... who knows!]  But it's been such an enjoyable ride to see how these small, dependent, messy little children [the sinful little babes they can be!] have been used by God to humble the prideful heart that lives inside me.  It's their beautiful, unconditional, messy love that reminds me of my Heavenly Father and His love for me.  On the flip side, the incredible amount of love I have for each one of them is immeasurable.  If I love my own children half this much when [Lord-willing] I have children some day, they will be INCREDIBLY loved.  When they're having a rough day, there's lots of reminders of love & plenty of snuggles, hugs, and kisses and on the happy days, we can sing/dance/be silly and have fun!  Both create beautiful memories and I love them the same through both types of weather.  And to think how much more God loves me!  Me!  A rebellious sinner who has a tendency to run in the exact opposite direction of the cross and pursue the world instead of shining Christ's light in it like I should.  God loves me way, way more than I love these beautiful children and to think about it leaves me speechless, in awe, and warm & fuzzy inside!  Like the children's song goes, "I am so glad that Jesus loves me, Jesus loves even me!"  Although I don't think I'm someone worth loving most days, and some times it can get a little messy, I'm on such a beautiful journey with my Heavenly Father and I can't wait to see it continue to unfold before my very eyes.  

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." --- John 3:16

In Him, 

Dani